BREAKING NEWS

Georgia Gorilla: Bigfoot Body’s First Photo!

In a news conference on Friday, August 15th, to be held in California, the DNA results of a probable new species of primate, call it “Bigfoot,” “Georgia Bigfoot,” or “Georgia Gorilla,” if you wish, will be announced.

Also a photograph of the body was to be released, but a mistaken uploading and premature release of the photograph tonight on the Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. website has rushed that timetable.

Is it real? It certainly looks like the real deal, and with a surprising variety of features.

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UPDATE:
The above linked website has been down due to heavy traffic (one report of a million hits per minute?). A short news blurb appeared on FOX. Full press release with DNA results expected Friday, August 15th. Hopefully not just an elaborate hoax.

Here are some of the vital statistics on the "Bigfoot" body:

*The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.

*It weighs over five hundred pounds.

*The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.

*It is male.

*It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.

*It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.

*The feet are flat and similar to human feet.

*Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at
the heel.

*From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches
long and six and one-quarter inches wide.

*The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)

*The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.

*DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press
conference on Friday, August 15th.